We finally played at the Piano Concert. The Piano “Concert” was just a very casual affair held at the music school shop lot itself. You know, one of those casual afternoons where parents go and watch how their children are progressing in their classes.

And then they have to see this old fat lady sing, I mean play. Hehe. I have always dreamed of being able to play the piano and last year my husband made that dream come true by buying me a piano for my birthday, enrolling me in classes, fetching me to lessons and watching the kids during my lessons. Before you think otherwise, no, hubby does not normally buy me extravagant gifts for birthdays. In fact, we are normally rather unromantic and don’t get each other anything at all. So it was a big surprise.  (Although, I think he was actually investing for the future for the kids. I mean, he has plans to get the kids to learn piano after all, so why not enrol the wifey first so she can help them later. Hehe.) 

This year, we started my girl on piano lessons too. She is six. I have been learning for 1 1/2 years now and the girl about 4 months. The piano teacher comes to our home to teach now because its easier for us to manage that way so hubby doesn’t have to rush home after work to take us there.

On Concert Day, I was supposed to be playing a solo and a duet with my girl. Now, although it was really casual, my fingers were sweaty and my heart was racing. Hahaha. And naturally, I was the oldest student there required to play.  I was hoping that perhaps there might be a grandpa or grandma aged around 60 playing but there was none. Hehe. So I was the oldest, as expected.

Worse still, teacher had picked a really fast song and she wanted me to play along with the CD acccompaniment. Boy, oh boy. I had trouble keeping up with the CD music.

Whats the end result? I was so nervous, I couldn’t keep up to the tempo in some parts, I even had to stop for a while to wait to catch up and I played the wrong key in the finale. Hahaha. However the duet with my girl went perfectly. Woohoo! I think my girl is less nervous than me. Must be all that kindy emcee training she had. She looked cool and collected even though this casual crowd were total strangers to her since we take our lessons at home and not at the school. We held hands, took a bow, played then bowed again. I felt really funny when I had to do that too on my own for the solo in front of the crowd of parents who went there to watch their little ones. Haha.

The music school took advantage of the fact that we were the only mother and daughter team playing. There were many brother and sister or sisters team playing. They even invited other parents to sign up before and after we played. Hmmm….. I should probably charge them a marketing fee. Heheh.

At the end of the day, hubby said he felt like a proud husband and dad. Hehe. Luckily he included the word proud husband, not just proud dad, even though his wife messed up. Oh, but I forgot to thank him for making my dream of playing piano come true, not until I wrote this post. Aiyer.. terrible of me.

No, this is not a backdated post. I know the UPSR results was just out recently but I am not writing a backdated post about the UPSR preparation. I am writing about preparation for UPSR in 2009.

My nephew will be sitting for his UPSR exam NEXT YEAR but preparation has begun NOW. This month, his school is giving a COMPULSORY 14 day intensive tuition to prepare the students who will be sitting for UPSR NEXT YEAR! Siao or not????!!!!

Give you 3 guesses which school he is attending. Chinese or Kebangsaan school? No prizes for the correct guess.

My lips are swollen. No, not from kissing! But from a visit to the dentist.

We had taken the kids to the dentist and since I was there, I might as well have a check up right? So, I braced myself up and pretended that I loved going to the dentist in front of the kids. Well, I don’t love to go to the dentist but …… you know, the things we mother’s have to do. One of them is to be a fine actress.

My daughter had her first scaling experience at the dentist. I’ll update that on my Mothering Times blog where I write about her dental stuff for record purposes. Then it was my turn.

My dentist hates my gums. She says I have very bad gums and am headed towards peridontis (Is that what they call gum decease?). Anyway, she says that my gums are so bad and I am having bone loss and soon I will lose my teeth!

Previously she had encouraged me to brush in between my teeth with a special brush but I had refrained because I was afraid that the friction would cause my numerous crowns to give way. Even flossing makes them shake and feel loose. She laughed at me and said that there was no such thing and that if I feel them move when I brush it means that the bones are going and the teeth will soon follow.

However, I still can’t brush off that image when my crown did fall off once…… at a corporate cocktail party some more! I almosts choked… not  on my teeth which I had to carefully remove without being watched and wrap nicely in a tissue but at the thought of it even as I sailed around the room through the crowd smiling with my mouth shut.

Anyway, during the last visit, the dentist had persuaded me to allow her to cut my gums above one of my teeth and I had complied. This time she said that ideally I have to cut the gums or have gum surgery again, not just in one area but at the back of the whole row of front teeth. *Shivers* but this visit she was just going to do deep cleaning or deep scaling.

“I’m going to give you a jab” she said and I nodded with my mouth full. Then I felt not just one but 3 jabs! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

Then she started the drills which was ok with me. I was even glad because I couldn’t feel it. And then she started digging and scrapping and scrapping and digging. And then the gums bled and bled and it couldn’t stop bleeding. So she had to press on it with all her might. It still didn’t stop bleeding. Eventually, she decided she had no choice but to sew it back. So she took this long black thread and did a cross stitch on my gums. Waaaaaaaa!

Now my gums still hurt and my lips are cracked and peeling. The next time I visit the dentist with the kids again, I’ll have to be an even finer actress as I pretend to love the visit.

Yesterday, I got the girl’s piano class time mixed up. I was trying to get her into the shower when *ding dong* the teacher had arrived. So I hurriedly pulled her back out and headed for the door.

After piano class, it was too late to bathe the kids so I sent them off to nap. It was rather late by then so they didn’t nap, after all. Then it was dinner time.

After dinner, I was doing some things for hubby and by the time I was done it was almost 9pm. I decided to bathe the kids and get them straight into their pyjamas since they missed their afternoon naps. Then I gave them their milk. (BTW, my late mum would probably have given me a good and proper scolding for bathing the kids after 7pm).

The room was in a total disarray. The bed was still unmade because I didn’t have time to do it after the kids had their “nap”. Toys and cards were everywhere. So I said ….”Children (much like the way, Maria from The Sound of Music would), remember  you said you wanted to play the memory matching game? Well, its rather late now, so if you still want to have the time to play a bit before we sleep, you have to help mummy pack ok? Mummy is going to have a bath now and going to wash your bottles. By the time, I’m up, I want to see all of these toys gone and the pillows and blankets put nicely in the right place. Remember to pick up the cards too so that we have all the cards we need to play the memory game.”

Then I went to have a shower. By the time I came out, the toys had disappeared! The bed was made, the pillows were where they should be, the bedspread was nicely pulled out. The bed looked very inviting. I wish I could jump into it. Haha.

How to Stay Sane Rule #1: Be innovative! Instead of yelling at the kids to pick up the toys and then swearing under your breath while  you make the bed. Give the kids a reason to pack up themselves. It’ll be done faster than you can do it yourself. Haha.

So I sat down and played the memory match game with the kids for a while. Then I remembered that I had forgotten to get them to brush their teeth during their shower. Normally, I get them to brush their teeth BEFORE they change into their pyjamas because they almost always get half their top and bottoms wet when they brush. You might think that getting the kids to brush their teeth is such and easy task but really, it can be quite stressful and time consumming. Haha.

How to stay Sane Rule #2: When you realise that you’ve messed up. Give yourself a break. Don’t sweat it. And so I sent the kids off to bed with their milk stained teeth. Pssst. I don’t always do this. Sometimes when I forget to get them to brush BEFORE changing into pyjamas, I would roll up their sleeves, then stand holding a towel between them and the sink to make sure they don’t get their pyjamas wet. Really siao!

Well, so we’re done and in bed reading 10 stories which they had picked. 5 each! Fortunately they were rather short stories. When we were almost ready to turn off the lights, I heard a voice. It said….

“Hon, you long time never massage my feet for me already hoh?”

The kids were happy to hear that as it means they can stay awake longer. So we all jumped into the bed in the adjoining room to wait for daddy to get ready for bed. After the massage and the tv watched daddy instead of the other way around, I took the kids to bed.

Soon enough, I heard soft heavy breathing from the two of them and then I stared into the darkened ceiling wide awake! I was sleepy before but after making sure everyone goes to sleep I can’t sleep anymore!

How to stay Sane Rule #3: When you can’t sleep, don’t sweat it. Think about your next blog post. And that my friend was how this blog post came into fruition. Hahaha. No, I was just kidding. When you can’t sleep, don’t think about your blog, its bound to keep you awake even more! So don’t blog in your head if you want to sleep.

In another unrelated incident, we were shopping when the boy suddenly announced that he had to poo. He said “No” when we asked him “Can you wait?” (Bad parents. Hehe.) So I had to trudge 2 floors down the department store to find a toilet. When I finally did, I decided to take him to a squatting toilet as I was worried that the sitting ones would be dirty. Well, the toilets weren’t child friendly. I had to squat down in front of him to support him because with his little jeans, he could barely stretch to open his legs to reach the sides.

Finally, we found a workable position, so there I was squatting and supporting him and holding a pile of tissue papers which I had retrieved from my handbag with one hand while holding him. And there he was looking up at me, smiling broadly and singing the Christmas songs that was playing in the background! “Aiyah, baby, don’t sing lah. Concentrate” to which he smiled even more and said “Singlah, mummy, sing.” And so I smiled back at him and sang. This is as good a moment of bonding as any, I suppose. (His father and sister were waiting impatiently at another level of the department store and here he was taking his own sweet time but I suppose you can’t really rush your poo. Hahaha.)

How to stay sane Rule #4: When in an unusual situation, don’t sweat it. Hum Christmas hymms instead. lol. (And as a mother of young kids, you are bound to be caught in lots and lots of unusual situations, you can be sure of that!). So stay cool. (Psssst. I’m not always cool. Quite often I raise my voice and throw a tantrum. Hahaha. So I must remember this rule myself.)

Well, after squatting there singing Christmas hymms for a while, I stood him up and pulled up his jeans. “But mummy, I not yet ummm mmmm.” he protested. “Nevermind, we try again next door.” And we tried the sitting WC in the next cubicle because he wasn’t used to squatting. One more Chrismas song and we were done. Hahaha. Cursing under my breath and asking him to hurry up is not going to make the poo come out any sooner so might as well sing instead. lol!

How to stay Sane Rule #5: Ask your maid to do it. Well, thats what I’ve been told but sorry, this is NOT ONE OF MY STAYING SANE RULES.

For example, where was my maid when I was squatting down in the toilet with the kid? She was right outside the toilet door chatting with the toilet janitor who was also and Indonesian. I told her to wait for us outside. Some friends think I am “crazy”. “Why don’t you ask your maid to do it?” However, I strongly believe that all this moments in parenting, the good and the not so fun is what makes you bond with your child, so I prefer to do it on my own.

I remember my friends commented to me that “Wuah, now you got maid, you free already lah. When you eat outside you can eat without being disturbed as your maid can help you feed the kids.” However, whenever we eat out, I continue to stuff myself and the kids all at the same time like I used to do, while the maid enjoys her meal uninterrupted. When I told them that feeding the kids should be the mother’s job they think I am quite mad.

Well, taking care of young kids can really drive you mad. This is how I sometimes stay sane. (accept for Rule #5 which is my exception to the rules.) How do you stay sane?

“Wuah! 70% discount! Must buy!”

Think again, whether you MUST buy that item. Its easy to be swayed by the big numbers 50%, 70% etc. Sometimes we end up buying things we don’t even need!

However, at other times we’ve are conned to buy something at an even higher price than before the discount! I think some dishonest retailers are still at it.

A while back, I went to buy a floor scrub at a popular department store. RM1.50 it said. When I went to pay for it, the cashier told me that it was the old price. The new price is RM2.50 she said but you have a 20% discount so its RM2.00.

I was not happy but its only a small amount so I did not want to squabble over it. After paying for the brush, I went back to the aisle to check because I was sure that I saw all similar brushes priced at RM1.50. However, a couple had new yellow tags with the “new price.”  I went back to ask the cashier how come the same brush has two different sets of price tags. She told me that they had not put in the new price tags for the rest.

Hmm…. I guess that with the “SALES”, the new price tag is added over the old price. The price is marked up so that in the end you pay more after a 20% “discount” compared to the original price.

So better be careful next time you shop during “SALES”. Of course most sales are genuine but you must research and know your price. Another thing, I never buy bedding during non-sale periods because its quite annoying to find the same thing going at 70% less the next week or month when they have sales.

I am trying to book accomodation for balik kampung during Chinese New Year. Its not too early you know. Chinese New Year is on January 26 and 27 in 2009. I used to leave everything last minute. Once we even balik kampung without any reservations! We were fortunate to find a room. Hehe. So this year, I am trying to do plan a bit better so that we don’t have to rush around last minute as we did previously.

Now, what I would like to know from everyone is, how do you normally book hotels or make reservations for rooms? Do you go direct to the hotel, through agent or via internet? Which is cheaper and easier?

I tried to go direct to hotel but the rates seem so high. Another thing, they wanted confirmation by paying deposit for one night’s stay which is the norm, given that it is the peak period. Now, I am a paranoid person and I don’t like to give out my credit card information as required. They require the last 3 numbers of the credit card along with other personal details plus a photocopy of the credit card itself, back and front. What if it should fall into the wrong hands?

So I requested to pay by banking in to the banks account but you know what? They don’t accept individual personal cheques. They only accept banking in cash. To me, thats a silly policy because if I bank in now, it will have lots of time to clear. Anyway, they gave my a banking account number with a different payee name, not the hotel name. Ok, so perhaps the payee is the owner of the hotel under a different name but do they really expect people to bank in cash to a name that is registered differently from the hotel name?

When I asked the reservation lady to email the bank account number to me she was not very friendly. I didn’t want her to give it to me over the phone in case I hear wrongly. She just said “Yah” and hung up without even saying goodbye. Mind you, the room is not  cheap since I am taking a big family type room to accomodate my maid as well.

Hmmm…. I am now in two minds whether to look for other accomodation. So I would like to know how does everyone normally make their bookings and confirmations? Can anyone help out this blur queen?

“You should have your own life, your own pursuits, your own friends,  your own career. You shouldn’t stay cooped up in the house. Your life should not just revolve around your partner and your kids. You will make your kids guilty in adulthood about having to payback for all the sacrifices  you have made for them.”

Some of these statements are all too common and often heard but you know what? They don’t bother me nor do they strike a chord within me.

I am a SAHM. I do spend a lot of my time at home with my kids. My life pretty much revolves around them. Its November now, and I am planning what food to make for the girl’s year end class party, I am planning when I should take my boy to register for kindy class for next year, I am planning when I should go shopping for their back to school gear, I am planning to reserve kid friendly accomodation for Chinese New Year next year, I am planning to take them for a movie during the school holidays, I am planning what sort of activities and crafts I can do with them during the school holidays, etc etc. The list is endless. Its been that way since the time they were babies when I planned what menu to feed them with daily when they first started solids, when to take them to the paeditrician, what brand of diapers to buy etc.

During a typical day at home with them, I would bathe them, feed them, sit down with and help them with their homework, get them to nap, read to them, chat with them, play with them and teach them. I feel happy to be around for them as soon as they get home. I want my kids to come home as soon as classes are over, to hot nutritious food, to a listening ear to listen to what they have been up to all day in school, to get them changed, bathed and refreshed, to sit and do work with them, then to make sure they get some rest and a short nap, then wake up for dinner, to more hot food and some playtime, reading time etc. Thats what I want my kids to have.

I do not want my kids to be rushed from school to a tuition place still in their school uniform (I see this happening more and more now. I see kids in the evening, still in their daytime school uniform lugging their heavy schoolbags out from a tuition centre, waiting for their parents to pick them). I do not want my kids to eat food outside provided by some establishment or school, only to have me collect them after work. When school is over for my girl, I still see some of her friends who stay behind for lunch, a bath, a nap and some playtime at the kindy which she attends which also doubles up as a daycare centre. They only get to go home in the evening. Thats not what I want for my girl and I am fortunate that I have a choice to make the kind of growing up environment that I want for them happen.

Yes, my life does revolve around the kids, around their activities, their school life, their holidays etc. And yes, I talk about my kids all the time. Why I even have 2-3 blogs that I maintain fairly frequently to talk about them. I may be considered rather boring to some. Oh, I can have “inteligent conversations” if I want to but I like to talk about my kids especially to another fellow mother and I see absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Yes, I am not working now but I did not make any big sacrifices with that (So kids you don’t have to feel guilty, you hear that?) Its not a sacrifice at all when you do something out of love. Its not a sacrifice when you do something because you want to. Its only a sacrifice if you do something because you are forced to or because you have no choice but its certainly not that way for me.

I see some SAHMs who feel “one kind” (I don’t know what word to use) when they meet up with their high flyer friends when their friends pass around their latest name card with high credentials, talk about their latest promotions or latest overseas trips. There is no need to feel low esteem nor is there a need to feel overly proud of your achievement of having “sacrificed” your work for your kids.

Pssst. A little gossip. I think my neighbour is one of those high flyers. She drives an expensive car which she always toots loudly for the maid to open the gate when she gets home, she wears heavy makeup and often looks at me disdainly. I have never seen her smile. Perhaps she looks down on a mere housewife but I couldn’t care two hoots. Ok. Ok. I’m just making presumptions here but really, I’ve never seen a more unfriendly person. Sorry, I digressed. I do not feel ashamed about being just a housewife. Thats all I was trying to say. Please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that high flyers are bad moms. Its just not me that is all. I don’t have the energy to be both and I salute those who can do it all but for me, I can’t give my kids the attention I want if I am distracted by other things.

I do not feel “cooped up” in my house all day. I am not “rotting” in my own house devoid of any adult company and coversation. Goodness gracious. Certainly not at all!  I find it a joy to be able to watch the kids play, to watch their silly antics and listen to the funny things they say not to mention to be able to witness their every first. First roll over, first crawl, first walk, first tooth, first word. Its the most amazing and the most wonderful thing. I wouldn’t miss it for anything.

If someone were to tell me “You should have your own life”, I’d tell them but this IS life. This is what life is all about. I am happy with my life. I am happy with my life that revolves around my kids. Is anything wrong with that?

I am a happy mom and I am not going to turn around one day when I am old and say “I regret giving up my job. I regret giving up some social engagements. I regret living in a world that revolved around the kids.” Nope. I hope to look back one day to having lived a full life that revolved around my kids that leaves me with a close bond with them for life.

The above animation was done for me by Maria or Twinsmom as she is more popularly known around the blog some time ago when I first started blogging. Its a reflection of my day that revolves around my kids.

I came across this advice from this dad when I was surfing the net recently. It says “Spend time with your kids before its too late.”  This is exactly my spouse and my sentiments exactly.

I agree totally with this part of the article which reads….

The best time to spend with your children is in the first 10-12 years of their lives.  As teenagers, they begin to distance themselves from you, so make the most of it when they are young, when they want to hug, sit on your knee and love every minute of your company.  (Teenagers, I believe, are less inclined to participate in these fantastic things!).

The author goes on to say that careers can wait. Of course not everyone can afford to take time off work like what he has done because we still need to provide for our families and plan our finances for their education and future.

However, I do think that while the kids are young, parents (not just dads) should try not to work so long hours, travel less, not go for that company trip etc. Of course there is a price to pay for this but its worth it to get to know the kids and bond with them when they are young. They grow up really fast and before you know it, you will have missed out on these wonderful early years.

I have written down all the ways that my kids dad spend time with the kids so that they can remember it in the future. The post:  “When daddy is left alone with the kids” is on my Parenting Times blog. Perhaps, all you other mommy bloggers out there would like to do so too?

I love to personalize my pages. One of the pages that loads whenever I switch on my PC is my personalized iGoogle Homepage. My husband doesn’t bother with personalization. Maybe he doesn’t have the time. Hehe.

My personalized iGoogle Homepage contains the RSS to all the local news. I read the foreign news from Google News so I don’t add it here. I have The Malaysian Insider, MySinchew News, The Star Online, NST Current, Malay Mail, Bernama, EMedia News, Malaysiakini. Everything also sapu for a balanced view. Hehe.

Then I have Inspirational Quotes because I like to look at beautiful pictures and read positive words. I have the KL weather, a dictionary and a translator. And of course I have a link to my Gmail and Google Reader plus all the RSS to all my blogs so that dear Google bot would not miss it. Hahaha. I read this tip somewhere.

Sometimes I add new gadgets to my personalized page and sometimes I remove it when I am bored with it. The above is what I have currently.

And at the moment I am using this really beautiful theme on the header. Its called Winter Village. It has a lovely snow scene with the sun that rises and sets in real time and a sky that brightens and darkens with it. Thats just so cool and the headers are all in a nice calming blue. I like it. I think the theme is just nice to put me in a Chrismasy mood. Hehe. I’m too lazy to do a screenshot but you can check out the link if you are interested. And no, this is not a sponsored post. Hehe. I just wanted to share the link to this theme because I love it!

Do you personalize your Yahoo, MSN, Google pages? What do you have on it?

Dad’s birthday was on Saturday. We decided to take him on a trip down memory lane.

Dad is a retired policeman. He used to be posted in Bentong a very long time ago. I spent my babyhood up to 5 or 6 years there but I can’t remember much of it. We  used to stay in the police barracks. All I remember is there was a big field in front of the barracks where we stayed and all the homes faced this big field in a square.

Anyway, we took dad to Bentong on Saturday. We went in an entourage of 4 cars which included us 5 siblings, our 5 spouses and our 8 kids altogether (2 more were studying so they couldn’t make it) plus our 3 maids (a Cambodian, an Indonesian and a Filipino. So that makes 14 adults, 8 children and 5 nationalities. lol. (My sil is a Singaporean).

We started our journey at 11am. There was heavy traffic on the highway so we arrived in Bentong at 1pm and headed straight for lunch at a restaurant. I can’t remember the name of the place now but it was expensive! I thought that Bentong would be cheaper than KL. Hmm mmm.. The food was just ok and there was a fly zipping about. Hmmm mmm. I forgot to take pictures of the food. I am such a lousy photo blogger. Hehe.

Oh, I forget. Before the journey, my girl vomitted 3 times before and after breakfast. She vomitted twice more in the car but we were ready with extra plastic bags for her. Phew! What bad timing. Poor little darling. Fortunately her stomach held up after lunch.

My impression of Bentong is that it is a clean and well kept little town. I was looking out for the bombers. I think thats what they call the birds that are often found perched on the rooftops and electrical wires all over the town. I saw some on rooftops but I forgot to take pictures again! I don’t know why they call them that. Maybe, you have to watch out for their bomb! Hahaha.

After lunch we headed over to a resthouse. We just wanted to find a place to have coffee and chat actually but when we got there, there was no one around to serve us although the doors were wide open and there was some food on the table. Hmm…mmmm.

So we took Dad to the police barracks that was our home long ago. We took pictures there and some policemen must have thought that we were a group of crazy tourists. Hehe. We even managed a rare photo of Dad with his 5 kids. Its hard to get everyone together these days with everyone’s busy schedules. The police barracks is just opposite my brothers’ and sister’s old school. So they went to peep through the fencing to look at their old school.

After that we went to the Machang Waterfalls (or is it Chamang?). I think thats what it was called. I am very bad at names. The road leading to the waterfall was very windy and narrow, quite scary and there had been an accident and there was blood on the road, even more scary. And so we travelled on this long and windy quiet road but when we got there finally, the place was packed full of people. The car park was full and there were loads of people swimming, camping, having picnics, eating or just enjoying the scenery.

Here’s a picture…. at last. Hehe.

Isn’t nature wonderful? I am afraid my camera is not that good and my photographic skills are even worse. lol.

Nature is so wonderful that this man decided to have a bath and a hairwash right there in the stream under the waterfall. Eww! He was happily scrubbing his body with soap and shampoo.

When he was done shampooing, he dived into the water and emerged…… All done! Hahaha. (The man is on the far left in the picture).

The kids decided to climb the waterfall a little bit. Hubby even allowed my 4 and 6 year old to climb with him and the maid. Aiyoyo. I couldn’t climb and I couldn’t look either. My heart went pip pop pip pop when I saw the kids climbing.  

The older kids or teens removed their shoes and walked about in the stream. My 4 year old pouted when he was not allowed to do that since the stones were rather slippery. We had some hot teh tarik and keropok lekor before we left for………. durians! Dad’s favourite!

We had a durian party at the stall. The stall owner opened up so many durians, all the best variety too. He told us the names but I can’t remember it now. We all walloped the durians. Yummy. Yummy. The stall owner reserved the best durians for Dad but I stole some from him. Hehe. I ate 4! Our durian party cost us RM80. On Sunday, I checked out the durians at the supermarket and they cost RM50 for 6 (no not 6 durians but 6 pieces. That would make it about RM8.34 per piece!)

Full of durian, we finally called it a day and drove home. What a nice day and meaningful birthday for dad. Dad has dementia and has good days and bad days. On his good days, he would be like his chatty old self but on his bad days he would be quiet. He was more quiet than chatty on Saturday but he smiled and laughed quite a lot too.